When Chemists Attack

CNN’s offbeat news has this article about water leaking from a tree in San Antonio. Several causes for the water were listed (a well, a burst pipe, etc. Nobody’s sure what is causing the water to come out, because that would likely require either damaging the tree or digging big holes in the yard.

But what makes this article strange is at the very end.

[The owner of the tree] has started to wonder if the water has special properties.

Her insurance agent dabbed drops of the water on a spider bite and the welt went away, she said.

Now I’ve had a few bug bites iin my time (I’m from South Carolina, after all), and one thing I’ve noticed about most bug bites is that the welt goes away after a short time. This is, of course, without the application of mysterious water from leaking trees.

“I just want to know if it is a healing tree or blessed water,” she said. “That’s God’s water. Nobody knows but God.”

I was in Arby’s the other day, taking part in an unholy ritual involving the consumption of a large roast beef combo. I noticed this in my box of curly fries.

The Jesus fry

This curly fry digested extremely well in spite of its unusual shape and extreme greasiness. In fact, the whole meal associated with the curly fry digested well.

When you eat as much grease as there is in one of those large boxes of curly fries … and you don’t have indigestion afterwards … that must mean that divine intervention is at work!

I just want to know if that was a healing fry or it had been fried in blessed grease. That’s God’s grease. Nobody knows but God.

This entry was posted on Saturday, August 12th, 2006 at 11:15 am and is filed under Silly stuff, The culture wars. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.